I'm committing myself to this group. Finally I join you again cindy, my friend... :)

i try to look further ahead the bleak distance i see. and though i hope to see the sun shine soon, i know that this may very well be the end of this path for me. as the unknown future loom closer i cant help but hope against the odds and wish that this time things will work in my favor.

I woke up knowing I already have spent most of my life. Looking back I came up with the best and worst moments I lived through, the sights I remember most, the emotions I will most definitely never forget:

25. the day I cut my hair. 20 years ago I was already headstrong. I had a way of looking at things and that was it.

24. my first and only dog, whom I named cracker because he was a cocker spaniel

23. the lopsided pig tails my dad did on me


22. my pre-school days when I spent most of my time not having an idea why I was there

21. our playground set. It was mine actually.

20. the first time I tried the slide. My dad carried me up and I refused to let go.

19. my first pair of school shoes. The reason I stopped playing "habulan"

18. deo, my first crush.

17. there was a time I pondered so deeply about the measurement of time and I wondered if a week was always 7 days. This was the first time I ever meta-theorized.

16. my first dream car…Karo ng patay

15. the day I asked our school guard to help me cross the street so I could meet up with my mom but ended up being scolded and sent up for my afternoon siesta with no lunch.

14. michelle, the first mean girl I met.

13. the earthquake

12. the aftershocks

11. my first ride on an airplane

10. the first time I went overseas.

9. shamu and the dolphins

8. my CISV summer camp in New Zealand

7. brett my first boyfriend, who made realize that I have a predilection for long distance relationships.

6. my first smoke and beer.

5. the first time I wondered "where does this all lead to?" and asked "how does one know there is a God?"

4. the first time I fell in love

3. when I learned that life doesn't hand you apples just because you asked for it; most of the time it hands you lemons as a joke.

2. my first semester of college, when I wondered if I was cut out for a UP education

1. the day I walked up that stage to get my diploma and turn my sablay.


The rest really is history. If you're reading this Katie, you pretty much know what happens after.

I finally got my chance to pack my bags and start MY life. After college I started to work enthusiastically. There was one day when I stared up the PSE Tower and thought to myself I'm going to work there and I did. And, I fell in love again – hard.

I forgot that when you get used to getting what you want, life pulls the rug from under you and hand you lemons.

The last three years have been such a trip. I've gone from being really happy to being downright miserable. It was a test of character-a tough one. Friends have faded in the horizon and love… love changed everything.

Indeed, over the years I grew up and have gone a long way from young girl I was. Knowing that I might not have another 25 years ahead of me makes want to re-live the old days and get in touch with the girl in my past. I'd like to know that if I met the 6-year old me she'd be happy to see the person I have become.


It's been 25 years and I hope that the road ahead isn't as rough as it has been.

---

There comes a moment in our lives when we have to make choices that define the lives we will continue to lead and make the persons we will become. A hundred questions circle our mind and an equal number of concerns start worry us. Our lives-past and a deluge of what ifs flash-through our minds. We think about the people love, the persons we want to be - everything. And we try to make a comprise between what we think we need to do and what we really want. We take time, we pause and try to block everything because we want to hear our hearts speak up, telling us what to do because in the end its not a matter of the logically best decision or the more profitable choice to make but what will make us happy. I truly believe that no matter how much we try to convince ourselves otherwise, we live for ourselves and only when we are happy and fulfilled can we be in a position to give. So I chose not to cross the bridge and I let this one go - for me.

When we reach “the bridge” do we actually have cross it? Or can we in fact go walk away? I am stumped, embarrassingly so but I just can't make a decision. There seems to be no compromise with what I want and what is necessary. Suddenly these two are mutually exclusive - black and white.

Who knows how long I have waited for this but now that its here and happening I am frozen to the ground, fazed and stunned. In the depths of my heart I am truly excited and it feels like my life is finally starting. This is the break I have long been clamoring for, the break I have spent countless hours thinking of. It took a while that I began to doubt I was due one. All this time I've been waiting, working for my dreams hoping that I do get that break, even as a fluke of nature. Now that its finally here I'm giddy as I was when I walked across the stage to accept my college diploma and took that fateful trip to Manila to start my journey through life. 'Truth be told, I have been recently (and frequently) musing about my dreams - the heights I want to soar in, the depths I want to explore. I have wanted to put back the fire in me. It's different to have that kind of warmth to keep you going amidst disappointment and heartbreak. To get a firm hold of our desires and hopes is a blessing in itself for life is not a thoughtless journey. Our dreams fuel our spirit to forge on despite obstacles - it defines our being. So when I got the chance to touch base with my hopes again I held on tight and crossed my fingers.

my older brother's ex is constant pain in ass - not having enough brain cells to know when to shut up and stop clamoring for attention makes me want to wring her neck. seriously, its pitiful to find a person, supposedly of age with no known serious mental or psychologically incapacitating disorder-other than a really bad case of insecurity and a lack of morality (but thats another issue), who irritatingly harps and spews rubbish to no end. i mean, come on, its been what? a year since your hide was last seen (read: been booted out of our home) and she's still pining for my brother in that really whiny way. how else would it come of? when she posts endless brain-damaging garbage, which we more commonly call surveys, while making negative references to brother and their (thankfully) ended relationship. the point here is that there is absolutely no way to make a person grow-up nor can anyone make a brain grow inside an empty skull. come to think of it.. she had a chance a year or two ago when real estate prices were sky-rocketing... that empty space between her ears would have been worth something... now? it wouldn't take an einstein to say that dog-poop trumps ....pffft.... anytime of the day. but she's not completely useless i suppose, after making an embarrassing spectacle of herself i can't help but be thankful that i've been blessed with more brains than she was and well i just can't help but feel sorry for her and happy for us.

http://www.sec.gov.ph/exams/srce/srce%200627-0703%2008.pdf

my blog sucks compared to katie ket's...crap...that's just crap hahahaha

This is a salute to the year that passed, sometimes painful and sometimes devoid of emotion. I have looked back often trying to learn and grow from everything that life chose to hand me, this time i look back not to analyse, wallow or bask in the memories of love lost and sanity gained on instead I stop to look back and revel in amazement and awe of my journey. I certainly have gone a long way... when this part of my life started i had nothing, not a scrap of hope for the days to come nor the courage to go on but i did and that much i thankful for and greatly humbled. With time on my side, wisdom somehow kissed me to urged me to evolve to the person that i am today. i wont mince my words... it has been arduous onus to pick up the pieces of what my life was. Hearts break everyday but when ideals are shaken... a world collapses... giving way to the rise of a new being - pieced from the past, held together by dreams and strengthen by a deeper understanding of life's essence. I have cried much, feared much and have been angered so deeply but today... today, i finally walk away from the shadows ready and keen to face LIFE... I have come to a complete circle... Let me see you off my past, hoping that the winds carry the beat of being and let them know of my well wishes. But in the end this is a toast to happy todays, dreams and tomorrows. salute!